I got into a fight on school grounds when I attended Parkway Middle School; I think it occurred during seventh grade.  It was a stupid fight; in fact, I’m not sure that it was even a fight.  This is what transpired.  First, my friend Sean and I trash talked about something; honestly, I can’t even remember what it was.  Second, it turned into shoving, with the lame excuse that one of us was violating the other’s space.  Next, we threw punches.  Honestly, we didn’t try to hurt each other.  Other kids surrounded us; each of them fascinated by the altercation and unwilling to do anything to stop it.  We continued a bit like this.

The fight abruptly ends.  An adult intervenes and pulls Sean away; it was in fact, his mom, who taught at the school.  Though it didn’t cross my mind at the time, they should have absolutely suspended me or at very least paddled me for getting into that fight.  Instead, everyone dispersed, and I stood there drenched in sweat from the exertion.  The dilemma was that I could not be punished without Sean, the son of a teacher, being held equally accountable.

There was no additional subtext to this altercation.  Race wasn’t an issue; bullying wasn’t an issue.  It was simply two friends who horse played, and it escalated.  One fortunate side-effect of this event was that word got out around the school, and I gained considerable street cred, enough to minimize the bullying incidents.

I was completely culpable but was not held accountable. 

Pregnancy and accountability

Let’s reflect on the word accountability.  It is related to the noun account, which is defined as (among others):

a statement explaining one’s conduct

Many people think of accountability and culpability as synonymous, but they’re not.  First, to declare someone as culpable without listening to an explanation is the antithesis of accountability.  To hold someone accountable, by definition, requires that you’d at least consider and ponder an explanation to that behavior.  Second, as a logical extension to accountability, if you examine the circumstances to that behavior, it means that it needs to be evaluated on a case-by-case basis.

Someone shoots a person to death.  Do we immediately put the shooter in prison without hearing an explanation?  Did a clerk at a gun store load a gun by mistake that led to an accident?  Did someone break into their home and shot in defense?  Had they shot after a road rage incident?  Did they shoot someone out of amusement?  The ‘why’ matters; we don’t rush to conviction.

My friend and I had a series of conversations about abortion rights; we eventually landed on the topic of accountability.  He challenged me, “Don’t you think that these women should be held accountable for the pregnancy?”  That question didn’t sit well with me, but I couldn’t put my finger on why at first.  Then it came to me, you’re rushing to judgment without listening to the accounts.  You’re handing out Scarlet Letters for promiscuity without hearing their stories.

Is abortion used as birth control?

First, it doesn’t matter if it was used as after-the-fact birth control; it is her body and her choice.  Body autonomy is part of our rights even when other lives are at stake.  Do you believe that we should compel you to donate half your liver in order to save a life?  What about after death?  Or even compel you to donate blood?  No?  Then it was never about the value of life, was it?

Second, much of the pushback I get about my pro-choice position is around the implication that abortion is used as after-the-fact birth control.  In other words, this is the belief that if the woman took reasonable precautions, she couldn’t possibly be pregnant; this belief is not based on facts.  There are some instances where most agree are legit (rape, incest, health of the mother, et cetera) for abortions; let’s ignore those for now.  That leaves the remaining cases, but half of those women used birth control in the month they became pregnant.  In other words, they were already taking reasonable precautions; these are basically the odds of a coin flip.

Having men draft legislation around childbirth and abortion is like having women design urinals.  I have no problems with women designing urinals; I simply question the effectiveness of doing this without consulting men.

Is it about misogynistic standards of promiscuity?

I’ll occasionally refer to language to reflect upon what we how we collectively think.  There is much implied bias in language; we say it without thinking about it.  The phrase “Are you man enough to do it?” has the implication that courage is incompatible with women.  Let’s reflect on the following phrases:

“He’s a stud.” and “She’s a slut.”

Both imply promiscuity.  Which one is positive, and which one is negative?  Is it simply that we have different standards for men and women?  I detest the term “slut-shaming”, but it’s the fastest way to convey this idea.  Is it really about accountability or is it about slut-shaming?  I know there are a number of you that are shaking your head, but before you completely dismiss this idea, really think about it.  A pregnancy is the product of both a man and woman, but what is the impact on the man’s life upon that pregnancy?

Remember Al Capone?  We convicted him for tax evasion.  He did other evil stuff, but it was ultimately easier to simply convict him on tax evasion and just put him in prison.  I’m sure there are many people that believe that he should’ve gone to prison for distributing alcohol and organized crime, but at least he was convicted.

Is that the same approach they take towards women who dare to have sex before marriage?  They can’t prosecute you on that but instead they will simply hold you hostage for months only to then leave you with a daily reminder of the slut that you are.  Are they deterring women from having sex before marriage by ‘punishing’ those who do?

P is the Scarlet Letter for Pregnancy

I continue to hear the word accountability, but I hear it from people who are disinterested in the actual accounts.  Instead, they rush to judgment.  “She had sex”, they say.  That’s enough.  It doesn’t matter that she used the pill, which is less effective when taken with antibiotics.  It doesn’t matter if they used condoms, which could break.  They can’t use ‘A’ for adultery, so they’ll use ‘P’ for pregnancy.  Forget putting it on your garments; they’d brand an ‘S’ for slut on you, if they could.

And it doesn’t matter.  It’s her body and her choice.  If your brother needs a liver to live; can the surgeons simply carve out half of yours without your consent?

Some will continue to use the word accountability but want it applied generically, not on a case-by-case basis.  They won’t entertain listening to an explanation.  These people don’t want justice or fairness; they want vengeance.  These pregnant women are guilty of simply having sex; they have sinned.

As for continuing to use the term accountability in this case, I’ll just quote Erin Brockovich on this one, “Don’t use big words you don’t understand.”