Many years ago, I sat in a meeting where we composed a questionnaire to send to our organization. We coordinated these questions with our human resources department and one question they suggested adding was, “What are your preferred pronouns?” Although I certainly worked in the DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) space in the company, this practice was unfamiliar to me. Once I understood that it implied gender identity, I pushed back on the question. In principle, I had no problems with transgender workmates but believed this was a bit more ‘in your face’ than we wanted to be.
One teammate pushed back: they disproportionately target this community. Who, if not us, would champion this cause? To advocate for a community which you understand and with which you identify comes easily. To empathize and advocate for a community which you don’t understand nor with which you identify becomes considerably tougher. Ultimately, they were right, of course, even if it took time for me to realize it.
I now prominently list my pronouns (he/him) on platforms like LinkedIn and Twitter. The former allows you specify them explicitly; the option sits in your profile (though you may leave it blank). For Twitter, I simply list it as part of my profile.
“Why would you do that?!”
As I chatted with a friend about some of the interesting discussions I got into in Twitter, I responded with, “putting my pronouns on my profile seems to attract that kind of attention.” She went silent for a moment, presumably stunned. And then asked, “Why would you do that?!” She knows me well, so the question surprised me a little. I answered simply: Allyship. As a cisgender man, I have privilege that transgender people do not, and as such, I’ll make this practice as common as I can. The more common this becomes, the easier it will be for the next person to declare their gender identity.
Transgender and non-binary people exist, and, by law, are members of a protected class. Furthermore, discrimination for gender identity is a class of gender discrimination. Even if some people struggle with this new reality, it doesn’t nullify it. Is it my job to accelerate this process? I’ll assert that it’s everyone’s job to accelerate this process. Why do we want to impede fairness?
Allow me to frame it this way, let’s rewind back to the 1950’s. If some of our citizens struggled with the idea of integrated schools and bathrooms, please quantify how long we are supposed to coddle them? The more people who spoke up in allyship and said, “Black students should be allowed to attend our high school”, the more quickly and painlessly it would’ve taken to integrate. We wouldn’t have even needed to call the National Guard. Okay, just wrap your head around that, we called the National Guard to integrate schools.
Everyone should promote equity and fairness. For those who struggle, you don’t necessarily have to like it; you just need to accept it.
Attacks on gender affirming care
Many new proposed and passed legislation obstruct (or severely limit) access to gender affirming care for young people and even adults. I understand that you are not looking to transition. That said, we do not suggest that you should transition; we simply don’t want you to impede others from transitioning. Though apparently, this is not a courtesy many are willing to extend. This legislation includes:
- Florida’s Don’t Say Gay law – Forbids the discussion of gay or gender identity in public schools. If a student approaches a teacher or administrator, they must inform the parent, no element of confidentiality. Oh, and Florida extended it to include 12th grade.
- Texas and other states – Bans the use of gender affirming care to youth. Furthermore, it allows the parents and physicians of trans youth to be investigated for child abuse.
- Some states like South Carolina – Bans the use of gender affirming care until the age of 26.
As I mentioned above, I’ve gotten into my share of animated discussions on Twitter. I’ll list some of my favorite rationalizations.
Your brain is not fully developed until age 25
Some legislation picks the age of 26 because “your brain is not fully developed until age of 25”. I understand that this is something that you would never pick for yourself; however, your apprehension, in and of itself, is not a legitimate reason to impede somebody else from going through gender transition. You argue that his is irreversible, and its consequences will change the trajectory of your life. Agreed.
For the vast majority of instances, we mark adulthood at 18 years of age. At this age you may enlist in the armed forces. They can convict you of a crime as an adult at this age. You may get married (without parental consent); remember the phrase, “Til death do us part”? 18 years is the de-facto standard for adulthood.
In some isolated instances, we set that threshold at 21 years of age. We do not allow you to drink until this age. This is based on many numbers that demonstrate that, in general, we cannot be trusted to drink responsibly at 18. Florida changed the legal drinking age in from 19 to 21, when I was 17 years old.
However, the same set of people advocated to deny an abortion to a 10-year-old rape victim. Won’t that change the trajectory of her life?
Extraordinarily few transgender people have expressed regret over transition. In fact, only about 1 percent of individuals who had transgender surgeries expressed regret. Let’s put it in perspective. Marriages have a failure rate of 50%, which end in divorce. However, even routine procedures like root canals, only have at most 95% success rate. What other procedure can you think of that has a 98%+ success rate?
Are we really protecting these people from themselves… or your ego?
Genital mutilation of children
However, I’ll first go on a rant. When someone like Liv Hewson elects to have top surgery, stop calling it genital mutilation. Even if you believe that it is mutilation, breasts are not genitals; you do not need breasts to reproduce. While I understand that you’re passionate about the issue, it’s a bit like referring to a haircut as surgery.
Next, instead of responding to this immediately, please at least ponder this idea for a few minutes. I understand many assert that we should, “Let children be children.” I get that. However, think about this carefully. If a child is old enough to understand that they’re straight and cisgender; they’re also old enough understand that they are gay or transgender. If a young girl is old enough to watch Snow White, she’s also old enough to want to kiss Snow White or become Prince Charming.
However, if we allow children to get elective surgery (like breast augmentation), why are so squeamish about gender transition surgery? Let’s enumerate all the ‘elective’ procedures that improve our lives but don’t necessarily preserve it. If your child was born with a cleft palate, would you try to correct it? What about Lasik eye surgery? You can survive with corrective lenses. All of these are mucking with “what God gave you”. God made you myopic, to correct your vision is to challenge his creation.
Oh, but none of these are actual genital mutilation. Fair.
Actual genital mutilation
After a series of message exchanges, I observe people back into a figurative corner. They denounce breast augmentation, Lasik surgery, even cleft palate correction so that they may point and assert that, “You support genital mutilation on children without their consent.” I’ll gloss over the idea of consent if the child maintains that they want to transition, but I digress. Okay, sure… Let’s scope this conversation to, your words, “genital mutilation on children without their consent”.
In the US, 71% of men are circumcised, and the vast majority of circumcisions are performed shortly after birth. Let’s deconstruct that phrase. Penises are genitals. Newborn boys are children. Did they consent? No. Is it mutilation? Well, if there’s no pre-existing condition, then it’s strictly elective. Do you think an adult male getting a circumcision against his will would consider it mutilation? Probably.
The practice of circumcising newborn boys is quite literally genital mutilation on children without their consent. The only difference is that this practice is socially acceptable.
“That doesn’t count; there are health benefits.”
No, the jury is still out on whether there are significant health benefits to justify the practice. However, there are other ways to back into how effective circumcisions are at preventing certain medical conditions. Let’s compare the rates of these conditions here in the US versus other developed countries that have a substantially lower rate, like Canada at around 32%. Does Canada have significantly higher rates of urinary tract infections, sexually transmitted disease, or penile cancer? I doubt it.
Do I have a strong opinion about your circumcising your newborn son? Not really, he’s your son. I should not interfere with how you choose to raise your child. However, if you ask for my opinion, I’d say that if you skip it, he can decide on his own if he wants to get it done. Though really, it’s not the kind of discussion that would cause a whole lot of angst.
Whether you elect to keep the tip? That’s entirely up to you.
Why do I bother mentioning it? I’m simply illustrating the hypocrisy in which some will use the phrase “genital mutilation”. You want to elicit an emotional response and outrage for something that makes someone else whole. However, it’s not your body. Each of us gets to decide what we want to do with our bodies; we each get body autonomy.